Song: So Nice

Don’t Make Me Talk To Your Kids

My neighbors have complained to me about the number of cats I have. But they have like a thousand kids who are always riding their stupid little tricycles when I get home from work and just want to sit in my car for a minute and smoke a cigarette and watch a few YouTube videos with my windows down. And these little goblins always try to talk to me. Whatever complaints they have about my cats, at least the cats know their place and don’t try to fucking talk to you. My cats are respectful. They just do cat stuff. To my neighbors, maybe try using a condom? I shouldn’t have to talk to the result of you lacking personal discipline.

If I Had A Time Machine

My standard for good cornbread was set in 2nd grade when we had a substitute teacher during the week of Thanksgiving. The substitute—who I can’t even remember her name, but I remember the cornbread, brought in her family recipe cornbread for our school’s Thanksgiving feast, and I was so blown away by it that I asked for seconds. She was clearly happy about cutting me out another slice, and recommended I dip it in the generic hot sauce she brought along. This is also the first time I think I tried hot sauce. I have been trying to recreate this recipe every time I make cornbread for years, and have failed miserably. It tasted better than any cornbread I had ever had, and the only discernible difference I can isolate in retrospect is that it was very sweet, and had whole cooked pieces of corn in it. If I had a time machine, I’d go back and get the recipe. And then maybe kill baby Hitler.

Apocalypse Always

I haven’t seen the movie Apocalypse Now, but I’m going to go ahead and make my directorial debut on the next two installments of the trilogy: ‘Apocalypse Later’, and ‘Apocalypse? Oh, We Did That 3 Days Ago’.

My Approach To Music

Soul is not a destination you can arrive at by plugging a formula into a calculator.

Song: Addiction

Song: Your Body Lets You Know

Song: I Didn’t Mean To Hurt Your Feelings

Song: Time Moves Slower For Smaller Creatures

Video: When Our Time Comes

travel restrictions

The first order of the new Biden administration has to be to ban immigration from Ukraine or wherever the fuck Milania came from. No thanks to that bullshit.

One Request

If I can make one request of Donald Trump, sir, please, when they drag you out of the White House, please be wearing a wife beater, flip flops, and sweat pants.

Red Dragon Voting

The most nihilistic thing someone could do on voting day is wait calmly in this long ass line, politely accept the ballot for your precinct, walk into the booth, and then loudly tear it to pieces, chew them up, swallow them, and walk out.

HR

 Is there any religion with an equivalent to the Human Resources Department? Let me know and I’ll convert. I need to file a complaint.

Bacon Grease

 I left a frying pan full of bacon grease on the stove top to cool, with the intention of scooping it out and throwing it away in the morning. Unfortunately, my dog, who is a tall person, managed to take the pan off the oven last night and eat all of the grease. Even though I had to spend the first part of the morning cleaning up the Goopy, Lovecraftian shit that resulted in, I still expect this to be a good day. Nice try, Satan.

Video: Did You Know That It’s Free (If You Steal It)?

 video by Lewis Troxell.

My 9 Year Old Has A Plan

My 9 year old, gesturing towards the glove box in my car, which he just opened: ‘Daddy, if we ever needed to rush a baby hedgehog to the hospital, I would put him in here with a bunch of bedding. We’d just go. Pedal to the metal’.

Last Night’s Debate

 As someone who is to the left of Chairman Mao, I am not a fan of either of the two major parties in America. They’re both neoliberal, right-wing imperialist parties, and the presidential race is largely a battle between which ticket gets to manage our declining empire. I said previously that I will vote for Biden/Harris largely to model citizenship to my children, and because I am an anti-fascist. I haven’t been excited about Biden/Harris, but I do have to say I appreciated Kamala Harris’s performance in last night’s debate. All of these debates are largely substance free and aimed at low information voters, but her presentation was statesmanlike and humane. And Mike Pence, of course, is a fucking pig. I feel more comfortable with Biden because she is incrementally better, and will no doubt have a big role in his administration.

Great Men

 The myth of The Great Man is so toxic to American males. There are no great men. These are idols that have had their humanity removed. There are good men though, and we can be good men. Primarily by understanding ourselves, being honest about our wounds, allowing ourselves to heal and be what we are, and being present for other men as they do the same. We can model these things for our young people so they’re not caught up in the same pursuit of a false identity that we have been caught up in. Cycles can be broken.

Will You Help Us?

 I’m starting a new movement called NMAP. It stands for ‘No More Acronyms Please’. That shit is hard to remember.