Song: allow. accept. release.

Song: about

Song: rise.

Song: phase.

Song: arrow.

Good Vibes

My oldest son Eliot is such a good guy. He was getting off of his third shift and I invited him to go to Meijer with me, which he joyfully accepted. He played Captain Beefheart in the car and explained some stuff about Slavic languages to me. The social parts of my brain aren’t very active in the morning, so I’m generally pretty grumbly, but his good nature is always in effect, and he chatted pleasantly with people in the store, and then he went into Waffle House to get some breakfast, and I could see him chatting up the lady behind the register and other customers. He brings such positive vibes everywhere he goes. People should be more like Eliot.

Song: Arrive

Song: Humphrey Bogart

Song: Let’s Do Some Punk Rock

Song: Boats

Song: Climate Change

Sing Your Life

I think the biggest impact I have had on my children is that all of them seem to have internalized my compulsion to break into impromptu musical numbers narrating/riffing on whatever may be going on at whatever moment. I’m proud of this.

Travel Restrictions

Ted Cruz = No Fly List Me = Fly AF List

Fortune Cookies

Life hack: While eating at a Chinese Restaurant with friends/family, read your fortune cookie (which is no doubt not a fortune and more of a generic Hallmark card piece of motivational advice) in your best Jordan Peterson/Kermit The Frog voice. If you’re eating with adequately woke people, you will make up in laughs what the cookie didn’t deliver in wisdom.

Incoming Call

I was just laying on my left side in bed, holding my phone in front of my face and scrolling through my newsfeed. I thought, ‘I should get some sleep. I have to be at work in a few hours’. Then my phone rang, and I saw that the call was coming from Gene Wilder. I was like, ‘Gene Wilder has never called me before. I think I might actually be asleep.’ and then I woke up. I was laying on my left side, but my phone was plugged in across the room. I’ve never had a dream that was so boring it became interesting before.

Parenting Tip For The 1%

I’m pretty sure the main takeaway from the Trump presidency is for rich parents, and I’m pretty sure it’s this: Don’t leave it to ‘the help’ to raise your children. Especially if you are always going to side with your horrible, sociopathic spawn if ‘the help’ ever tries to do anything outside of making every day seem like Christmas for them. Or, to get right to the point, don’t have children. The world will be a better place if you refrain from reproducing, and—I don’t know—get really into model trains or something.

Tweet (Parody of the song Hurt)

Bold AND Beautiful.

I wasn’t a super popular kid in elementary school, and ended up spending large portions of summer vacation watching Soap Operas with my Mom. The Bold and The Beautiful was my favorite, so I thought I’d make a little collage of my favorite characters. I was always struck by their monosyllabic, strong, naturalistic first names.

The circle of life

The fact that my kids are only aware of Tom Waits’s version of Downtown Train, and don’t know Rod Stewart covered it (and honestly may not even know who Rod Stewart is) is, to me, the cultural equivalent of watching the earth reclaim an abandoned strip mall.

Spiritual Cleaning

I’m on vacation this week, and have so far dedicated myself to deep cleaning my house. I haven’t relaxed, but my body aches in a righteous way, and I feel that if I were asked to preside over a death penalty trial right now, my verdict would deliver the purest form of justice, because my house is so goddamn clean. ‘As Above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul’ - Hermes Trismegistus