What Do We Owe Ourselves? What Do We Owe Each Other?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about freedom and welfare. Freedom, meaning the ability of individuals to self determine--for good or ill--the path their life will take, irrespective of how the choices they make effect the wider community. Welfare, as I conceive it, refers to the state of general well-being of the individual, and the society at whole. In both of these definitions I assume the truth of Intersectionality theory, and the blueprint version of morality proposed by Sam Harris in his book The Moral Landscape.

The shelter I work for, Cincinnati's Drop Inn Center, is in the process of planning a public forum to discuss this issue, for the reasons I highlighted in this piece. From both the welfare and freedom perspective, our social safety net is in need of mending.

But the balance is difficult. On the one hand, it is hard to expect a person with mental illness to reach their full pre-morbid potential (or highest point on their individual moral landscape), if their judgement is clouded or harassed by mental illness. On the other hand, to what degree is it appropriate for the system at large to intervene in the lives of individuals in order to improve their well-being? Are freedom and good synonymous?

I can imagine scenarios that cut both ways. Two quick examples:

Scenario 1:

A man believes there are demons in the walls of his apartment. This causes him a lot of psychic stress. He refuses to take his medication because voices tell him not to. He is in danger of abandoning his apartment, and returning to the shelter  & legal system, or perhaps dropping out of the system altogether.

According to Ohio law, there is a point at which the court system can mandate that this man take his medication. This point would be reached if the man could be determined to be of threat to himself or others. But law in this case does not take into account the inevitable chain reaction that will set in if this man is left in the grips of his mental illness. It also doesn't take into account the overall issue of quality of life and general well being.

Scenario 2:

A woman with mild bipolar disorder has decided to manager her illness by herself, without the aid of medicine or talk therapy with a credentialed provider (a much overlooked and important element). She has peaks and valleys, and people who are tuned in to her notice her cycle pattern. Overall she does manage, however. She is not operating on a peak of well being, but who consistently is? If we find a point on the measuring stick past 'harm to self or others' that we decide is an appropriate intervention mark, what point would that be, and what would prevent us from then going 'too far'?

These are all questions that Drop Inn Center hopes will be addressed during our public forum, tentatively slated for late September, early October. There is still time to have your voice heard by the planning committee if you have any kind of thoughts, suggestions, or concerns about our project. If you would like to support Drop Inn Center in funding this and other similar events, I encourage you to donate here.

You're On Your Own, Kid

Hunter S. Thompson, Kurt Vonnegut, and Christopher Hitchens are all dead. Once Woody Allen dies, I will have no more living public figures to look towards for moral guidance.

President Obama Is A Nerd

and I like it that way:

“One of my responsibilities as Commander in Chief is to keep an eye on robots. And I’m pleased to report that the robots you manufacture here seem peaceful. At least for now.”

—	President Obama talking to the National Robotics Engineering Center at Carnegie Mellon.

discovered while perusing Bridget McKinney's 'likes' on tumblr.

. “Because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. We don’t have to be like, ‘Oh yeah that purse is okay’ or like, ‘Yeah, I like that band’s early stuff.’ Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself-love it. When people call people nerds, mostly what they are saying is, ‘You like stuff’, which is just not a good insult at all, like ‘You are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness.’” ~ John Green

Zippers

You know that alarm that sounds in some cars when a passenger doesn't have their seat belt fastened? I need one of those for my pants zipper.

Do it, Sam...

3.18.2012

I just finished reading The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, and am currently plowing through Christopher Hitchens' biography of Thomas Jefferson. It's a good, short book. There are few people I trust to write about the founding fathers objectively. Biographies of these guys tend to be either sycophantic or calumnious. I trusted Hitchens to do it right, and my trust was rewarded. Next I'm going to read The Magic Mountain, by Thomas Mann. I tried to read it once before a few years ago, but don't think I was ready. We'll see where I'm at now.

I'm taking a lot in these days. I just found out that the man I saw get hit by a car a few weeks ago died on the 6th. I don't have anything to say about that at this time.

After listening to an older person babble on about 'blacks are so violent', and 'President Obama only takes care of the blacks', I wrote the following paragraph:

I am no longer offended by racists, sexists, and homophobes. After years of hearing their narrow opinions and seeing their dull stamp on every institution in our country, I am merely bored by them. To take offense at the beliefs of this mercifully dying order is to give them too much esteem. They are vulgar people, with weak minds and fearful spirits. The sooner the last of them shuffles off this mortal coil, the sooner the rest of us can get on with it.

I intended to put it in a longer piece, but don't really think it's necessary. I want to learn more about Sally Hemmings and Emma Goldman. One of the historical figures that got a lot of mention in The 48 Laws of Power was a guy named Tallyrand. I'd like to read some more about him, too.

My wife and I watched a movie the other night called The Ledge. It was a good movie, and worked on me profoundly. I really appreciated the performances of Charlie Hunnam and Terrence Howard.

That's all. I feel bad when I don't write frequently. I wonder if it's akin to the feeling athletic types get when they're out of the gym for too long.

this is funny:

For The Elegant Ape

'My friend Cthulhu'

May The Cacophany Continue

In the beginning, Sandra Fluke testified in a public forum about an issue that was meaningful to her. Rush Limbaugh, upon hearing this testimony, called Ms. Fluke a slut, a prostitute, and suggested she post sex videos of herself on the internet. Many people were furious over this. Sponsors withdrew, condemnations occurred, boycotts were proposed, and it was demanded--not for the first time--that Rush's head (metaphorically) be detached from his body. Rush apologized. When asked about the incident in another public forum, President Obama demurred, preferring to take 'the high ground': he would not deign to know from what kind of well the roots of Rush's heart were fed, nor would he talk about the politics or business aspects of the affair. He would only comment on the fatherly instincts the incident stirred in him, and say that words such as Rush used had 'no place in the public discourse'.

In defense of Rush, many of his representatives claimed a double standard: The comedian Bill Maher--who has said bad things about Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann--has given 1 million dollars to the President's Super PAC. If the president thinks what Rush said had 'no place in the public discourse', why is he accepting money from someone who makes similar statements? Rush's antagonists cried 'false analogy! Rush is the leader of a movement, Maher is just a comedian. Sandra Fluke is a private citizen, and Sarah Palin is a public figure'.

So it goes.

My position on the issue is that I'm in favor of all of it. Every part of this issue is fine with me. I applaud Sandra Fluke for speaking in a public forum about an issue that is meaningful to her, and for her handling of everything that has ensued. I am grateful to Rush for being so open about his misogyny. Some men spend their whole lives denying they have any issues at all with women. Rush relishes it. He rolls around in it. An enemy who declares themselves is a great gift. I'm typically not one to support boycotts or firings for people who make unpopular comments. I agree with Sean Hannity that such methods are ways to suppress speech. But I am okay with people calling for Rush's firing and for boycotts and sponsor withdrawals, because it's their right. I support the attempts of Rush's friends and fans to draw an analogy between Bill Maher & Rush, even though I agree that the analogy is false. I support the attempts because they are clever.

Finally, I support President Obama's public stance on the whole thing, although I disagree with him on principle that such statements as Rush made 'have no place in the public discourse'. It's the most personally offensive and generally unpopular positions that need to be most protected in a democracy. Words that don't get said tend to fester, and Rush--and people who get catharsis from Rush--don't need anything else to fester in them. Better to let it all out. Put it all on the table for everyone to see. Speech is messy and ugly, but it's less messy and ugly than the alternative. I like the chaos of democracy. I like the dirt of freedom.

Maybe Jarvis Cocker summarizes my overall position the best:

Homelessness Is A Human Issue

My most recent piece can be found here. It's about homelessness, and appears in Cincinnati's Alternative Newspaper, Street Vibes.

A Meditation For My Birthday

"Once I thought to be human was the highest aim a man could have, but I see now that it was meant to destroy me. Today I am proud to say that I am inhuman, that I belong not to men and governments, that I have nothing to do with creeds and principles. I have nothing to do with the creaking machinery of humanity -- I belong to the earth! I say that lying on my pillow and I can feel the horns sprouting from my temples. I can see about me all those cracked forebears of mine dancing around the bed, consoling me, egging me on, lashing me with their serpent tongues, grinning and leering at me with their skulking skulls. I am inhuman! I say it with a mad, hallucinated grin, and I will keep on saying it though it rains crocodiles." ~ Henry Miller, from Tropic Of Cancer

Self Confidence

“You are all wrong.”

- Werner Herzog, in response to booing crowds at the Berlin Film Festival’s showing of Lessons of Darkness [1992]

Be Grateful When The Moment Chooses You

Yesterday night on my way home from work, I witnessed an accident. I was driving down one lane, and a car was approaching me in the other lane, going about fifty miles an hour. For a brief moment I saw a man stumble into the headlights of the car in the opposite lane. Media reports have confirmed that he was intoxicated. The only thought I registered before he was hit was the realization—I don’t even know if I could call it a thought—that he was about to be hit. The car hit him, and he flew up in the air. There was the sound of screeching tires and a sickening splattering sound as his body hit the sidewalk. I whipped my car into a nearby driveway and ran across the street to see if everyone was okay. The man was laying faced down in a puddle of blood that was pouring from his head. He was motionless. I assumed he was dead, but I checked his pulse anyway. I didn’t notice anything. I went to where the car that had hit the man had pulled off of the road. A woman nearly fell out of the driver’s seat into the road, already hysterical. I guided her to the side of the road as she wailed, horrified at what she had done. I called 911, told them what had happened, and stayed with the woman. I rubbed her back and held her hand. She said she couldn’t live with herself and collapsed on the ground. When the police arrived, they took over with the woman. I gave a brief description of what I saw and went home.

I was very calm during the event. In emergency situations—so far—I am remarkably calm. My mind takes over, and I jump into action. Who do I need to tend to? What do I need to do? How can I make the best of this moment and limit harm? I am as grateful for this trait as I am surprised by it.

 Afterwards, I begin to shake. I cry. I need to recount what I saw and felt to someone. I have a tendency to lapse back into viewing the situation objectively while I am grieving that is frustrating: I’m aware of the fact that I need to express myself emotionally, but stoicism sets in. It leaves me with a feeling that I need to do something, or fix something. It’s very hard to describe.

I’m glad that I was available during the accident last night. I have experience as a bereavement volunteer with hospice, and have experienced tragedy in my own life. I tend to view life as a struggle, so my mind is never far from considering tragedy. Mentally, I am usually on a war-footing. I am comfortable in the presence of death. If it had been someone other than me there at that moment, I can’t be sure that they would have remained calm, or would have known how to interact with the hysterical driver. If no one had been there, I don’t know what would have happened with the driver. When she came spilling out of her car, she practically collapsed on the road herself.

I don’t understand a person’s tendency to curse fate when they are present in a critical moment. I understand it, I guess, but it doesn’t resonate. What I feel now, and began to feel not long after the event is a sense of gratitude that I was able to be of some small service at an important moment in the lives of two people. Much more challenging moments have come to other people, and many more people have risen much farther than I could ever hope to; but life requires so little of us so often, and our actions (and inactions) are often ambiguous at best. It’s good to be able to say that I did all that I could have done.

We’re not entitled to live a life unmarked by tragedy, or to be left unaware of what is ugly or unfair about this world. Moments will come for all of us, and when they do, we have to respond with what is best in us. Be proud of yourself if you are able to tap into some inner reserve of calm or bravery when you are tested. Carry the knowledge that life will test you around in your heart, and never pass up an opportunity to show yourself what you are made of. When the moment chooses you, be grateful for the challenge. Let it sharpen you.

As of an hour ago, the local news outlets have the man who was hit as being in critical condition in a local hospital.

Currently Reading

The demon has left me alone for the past couple of days. I wrote up a little community organizing piece for the shelter on Friday, and yesterday I wrote a paragraph in a memoir that promises to take a long time to finish. Other than that I've been reading.

So far this year I've read Hitch-22, Tropic of Cancer, and The Dreams at the Witch House. I am currently reading The Map & the Territory by Michel Houellebecq.

Houellebecq turned me on to H.P. Lovecraft about 10 years ago. I read an article about Houellebecq while I was working at a book store in the early 2000's, and went online to find a small piece of his to read, because he interested me. I found H.P. Lovecraft: Against the World, Against Life, and it transferred my curiosity from Houellebecq to Lovecraft. Houellebecq made Lovecraft into an interesting character, or at least highlighted what was interesting about him. I usually don't read 'weird' or horror fiction, so Lovecraft and I were unlikely to cross paths unless someone intervened.

So I am finally getting around to Houellebecq. I like this book. I've already ordered a copy of The Elementary Particles, which I might read after I finish The Map and the Territory. If I don't do it that way, I might finish reading Hunter Thompson's The Great Shark Hunt, or maybe Moby Dick first. Either way I'll get around to it eventually, probably sometime this year.

Anyway, I'm mainly writing this post because I feel obligated to write something at least once every couple of days. Writing is the only way to keep alive, really.

'In the course of an investigation, as he always said to his student at Saint-Cyr-au-Mont-d'Or, it is fundamental to take notes--at this stage of his expose he would take out his own notebook, a standard 105-by-148-mm Rhodia pad. You should note, he insisted, even if the fact noted seemed to be totally lacking in importance. The rest of the investigation would almost always confirm this lack of importance, but this wasn't the essential point: the essential point was to remain active, to maintain a minimum of intellectual activity, for a completely inactive policeman becomes discouraged, and therefore becomes incapable of reacting when important facts do start to manifest themselves" ~ from 'The Map and the Territory', by Michel Houellebecq.

Getting Small

My thinking tends to be somewhat grandiose. Even when troubleshooting small problems in my life, you might be surprised to learn how high suicide ranks on the list of possible solutions. ‘The grocery store is out of vitamin D milk. I should probably order a cyanide capsule from Amazon’. Of course I’m just joking about that. Amazon doesn’t sell cyanide capsules.

There are certain common things that people spend time thinking about that I have trouble focusing on. I used to take pride in this, but now I see that my ‘big picture’ thinking is often a huge deficit in day-to-day living. There was a time when I thought people who worried about things like investing a portion of their paycheck, keeping their clothes updated, their house spotless, or understanding the inner working of their car’s engine were hopelessly terrestrial. Those were little things. Philosophy was the big thing. Art. The arc of history and our place in it; those were the things that mattered.

Well, surprise, surprise, it turns out I have very little impact on the ultimate fate of mankind, and the odds of me contributing a significant theory to philosophy, or a moment to history, or a great work of art to humanity’s creative canon, is slim. The odds of me needing to be able to change a tire or balance a check book—on the other hand—are quite high.

They say at the end of his life, Mark Twain just laid around in his bedroom, smoking cigars, rarely changing out of his pajamas, and reading, and writing. With the exception of cigar-smoking, this is the life I think I am inclined towards. Unfortunately, society at large feels it would be more appropriate for me to occupy other stations. So be it, I guess. Who am I to shirk the will of the people?

Living is a humbling experience, especially for those of us who need to be humbled. ‘You fools!’ I said under my breath to everyone around me who deigned to be interested in anything practical. ‘All of this will pass away! Only the life of the mind matters--Only the liberation of the spirit.’ What an asshole. 

So here’s to doing the dishes and washing the laundry. Here’s to changing the oil and taking out the trash. Here’s to cutting the grass, ironing the pants, and weeding the garden. Here’s to doing the taxes, here’s to vacuuming the carpet. Here’s to cleaning the toilet bowl and walking the dog. Here’s to investing in your 401k, and purchasing low-risk stocks. I am terrible, terrible, terrible, at every one of these activities, and I tip my hat to everyone who was humble enough—and had enough foresight—to pick these things up when they were in their teens and early twenties. I may be fun to have a conversation with every now and then, but when the zombie apocalypse finally arrives, you will be the folks who survive.

Proust Questionnaire

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Not being ‘up to’ an important task. Knowing I have failed at something that could have helped others.

Where would you like to live?

Chicago.

What is your idea of earthly happiness?

debt free, good people to talk to and go on walks with, able to write, read, and think.

To what faults do you feel most indulgent?

I’m always sympathetic to people who try to take on more than they can handle. I understand the impulse, and think it’s noble (even if it’s shortsighted). It’s far superior to waiting around for a hero to deliver you.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

Satan

Who are your favorite characters in history?

Josephine Baker, Vladmir Lenin, Leon Trotsky, Christopher Hitchens

Who is your favorite heroine of fiction?

Eve

Your favorite painter?

Vincent Van Gogh

Your favorite musician?

Leonard Cohen

The quality you most admire in a man?

A deep respect for me, and an appreciation for my sense of humor and many charms.

The quality you most admire in a woman?

See above.

Your favorite virtue?

Empathy.

Your least favorite virtue, or the one you think is most overrated?

Respect for authority

Your proudest achievement?

Whatever role I have played in raising my children (who are some of the most interesting and basically good children I have ever met).

Your favorite occupation?

Lounging.

Who would you have liked to be?

Myself. Because if I was someone else, I would have liked to be someone else still. Better to stop this violent cycle before it starts.

Your most marked characteristic?

Selective enthusiasm.

What do you most value in your friends?

Loyalty

What is your principle defect?

Periodic existential despair.

What to your mind would be the greatest misfortune?

Causing some irreparable harm to my wife or children.

What would you like to be?

Effective at everything I do. Barring that, I would settle for being happy.

What is your favorite color?

I always say black, but I really think it’s yellow. Bright colors cheer me up.

What is your favorite flower?

Lilac.

What is your favorite bird?

Owl.

What word or expression do you most overuse?

‘experience’.

Who are your favorite poets?

Charles Simic, Guilliame Appollinaire.

What are your favorite names?

Langston, Jack, Spencer, Abby.

What is it you most dislike?

People who ‘tell it like it is’. I like honesty, but people who claim this as a trait are usually stupid, arrogant, vulgar, and cruel. And often wrong.

Which historical figures do you most despise?

Woodrow Wilson, Joseph Stalin

Which contemporary figures do you most despise?

Sarah Palin, Mahmoud Ahmadinijad

Which events in military history do you most admire?

Harpers fairy, October Revolution.

Which natural gift would you most like to possess?

The patience to learn a musical instrument.

How would you like to die?

At an old age, in a comfortable bed, with a clear conscience, surrounded by my wife and children, and my brother and sister.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I’m about 50 pounds heavier than I care to be, and way low on muscle mass.

What is your motto?

‘Life is a great balancing act’-Dr. Seuss.

Activist, Know Thyself

While the response to my piece ‘Drop Inn Center Needs Help Now’ in the Cincinnati Enquirer has been overwhelmingly positive, there have been a few people who took exception to my claim that ‘there is something sexy’ about protesting.

the section in question:

"We receive a lot of support and advocacy from our community. We appreciate it. There is a time to fight big battles, and there is a time to make public stands. When the moment to rally comes, there are always more than enough people available to hold signs and shout slogans. Rallying is exciting. There is something sexy about it.

What is less sexy – but even more necessary – is maintenance. I understand the excitement of starting a new project or fighting a big fight in the public arena. In between these capital moments, however, someone has to sweep the floors. Someone has to pay the electric bill."

In contemporary vernacular, ‘sexy’ is often used as a synonym for ‘exciting’ or ‘hip’. There may be a hint of the reproductive about protest as well, but overall, these two synonyms were what I meant.

No one does anything without ego playing some part in their actions. When the soldier goes to war, she is not just saying ‘I am doing what I need to do to protect my country’, she is also—on some level—saying ‘I am a hero’. When Gandhi was overseeing the salt march in India, on some level he was aware of the romantic image he was cutting in the mind of peace-inclined revolutionaries all around the world. Our self-definitions mean a lot to us, and we derive those definitions partly from the acts that we engage in.

Ego plays a part, and no one gets involved in anything for one motive alone. We are complicated animals; we may not even fully understand all of our motives. But ego plays a part, and there is nothing to be ashamed of in that. 

So I do believe that there is something ‘sexy’ about protesting, at least in the minds of the protesters. To ‘rage against the machine’ is viewed as heroic. At every ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protest across the country, there were countless aspiring Che Guevaras itching to pick up the bullhorn and put their own populist stamp on the national consciousness. There may have been a noble overriding goal to the protest, and the predominant motivation of most occupiers may have been admirable, but there is self-interest at play in almost every decision we make. I also think there is something literally ‘sexy’ about it too, as any honest person who has ever taken a date to a rally—or met a future lover at a rally—can attest.

There are no saints in this world, and I am glad for it. It takes a certain kind of humility to admit that we have various—and sometimes sordid—motives for the things we do. ‘Every saint should be held guilty until proven innocent’, said George Orwell. ‘If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him’, said Lin Chi. It takes great self-awareness to interact meaningfully with this world, and no person who is adequately self-aware will ever mistake themselves—or the movements they belong to—as absolutely pure of intention. Throughout history, all movements of ‘pure intention’ have led to concentration camps, gulags, killing fields, mass graves, and performance art (all of which are terrible, terrible things). 

If we’re going to be effective in achieving our goals, we don’t need saints and messiahs. We don’t need cults of personality. We need real, flawed, self-aware people muddling through the best they can, with an appropriate dose of fear and trembling to keep them honest.

'My Family Thinks I'm Going To Hell'

The Thinking Atheist gets into one of the tougher aspects of being an atheist in a religious family:



This is a real issue for those of us with religious folk in our lives. How do you reassure your believing friends that you're not going to burn, burn, burn for all of eternity once the final curtain drops? Personally, the anxiety that my well-intentioned family & friends suffer at the thought of me going to hell troubles me. I would like to be able to ease this anxiety, but the odds of disabusing anyone of their religious beliefs is usually pretty low. It would seem disingenuous to try to convert them to more of a 'love wins' view of the afterlife, especially since it's not a view that I hold (you know, democrats are full of shit, but I think they'd be a great fit for you!).

I don't have the answer to the question, but I understand the problem.

Drop Inn Center Needs Help Now

Check out my article in today's Cincinnati Enquirer.

text:


Many Drop Inn Center supporters seem to imagine a critical moment in the future where they will lock arms in front of the building and prevent the shelter from being whisked away by nefarious developers to some alternate location.

What many of these good intentioned folks don’t realize is that the critical moment is not in the future. The critical moment is now. The critical moment is always now.

We receive a lot of support and advocacy from our community. We appreciate it. There is a time to fight big battles, and there is a time to make public stands. When the moment to rally comes, there are always more than enough people available to hold signs and shout slogans. Rallying is exciting. There is something sexy about it.

What is less sexy – but even more necessary – is maintenance. I understand the excitement of starting a new project or fighting a big fight in the public arena. In between these capital moments, however, someone has to sweep the floors. Someone has to pay the electric bill.

The Drop Inn Center is bigger than a location. It’s bigger than any one person. The Drop Inn Center exists to serve an idea: Every human being has an inherent dignity, and society owes it to itself to provide a safety net for its citizens. It is our community’s response to a system with cracks in it. The Drop Inn Center will do whatever is in the best interest of its residents and its community. If that entails moving to a new location that is better equipped to serve our population and provide them easy access to key services, then that is what we will do. If it’s determined that staying at our current location is the best way to provide for the population we represent, then so be it.

There may come a day when we need to lock arms and shout slogans. Until that day, what we really need is your money, your time and your advocacy.

Donate as much as you can afford. Canned goods, new underwear, socks, sweatpants, deodorant, laundry detergent, tooth brushes and toilet paper will make things a lot easier on our residents. Contact our volunteer coordinator to find out what volunteer opportunities are available. Advocate by inviting your friends, neighbors and business acquaintances to take a tour of our facility. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter. Tell folks what we do. Talk about us.

The Drop Inn Center vows to remain committed to its mission to be a community of residents, staff and volunteers working together to provide basic human services for men and women experiencing homelessness, with a primary commitment to shelter. Our success will be forever tied to the tangible support of folks who share our vision.

'And because it is my heart.'

“In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said: ‘Is it good, friend?’
‘It is bitter - bitter,’ he answered;
‘But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart.’”

- Stephen Crane, “In the desert”

via Cock N Bull.