Thursday, September 20, 2018


there is a hustle to every business.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

At the Drop of a Hat

“At the drop of a hat”. Intended to mean a super-reactionary response, before all of the evidence is in. What is it about the sound of a hat hitting the floor that makes certain people do rash things? Is there a unique sound? Does it trigger a primitive response? Does it matter what kind of hat? I need to know.

Free Speech

Do you ever suspect that people who say things like ‘I’m entitled to my opinion’ and reference their right to free speech in debate believe that these things somehow validate whatever stupid argument they’re making?

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

You Have to Love Yourself First

When I get around to purging toxic relationships from my life, my alarm clock will be first to go.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018


9/11 was traumatic for all of us, yet I feel hesitant to even mention it publicly for fear of enabling demagogues, fascists, and nationalists. 9/11 was a great crime against humanity, but it’s also a crime that has been turned into social currency by bad people in order to rationalize bad and dangerous international behavior by our government.

That being said, this was my 9/11: 

I was working on a loading dock. My first son (Eliot) was born in July of 2000. I was married in 1999. I was 18, and fresh out of high school. We were listening to NPR as we unloaded a delivery truck when we heard the first plane hit. We all rushed to the break room to watch the live coverage. There was lots of speculation and wonderment. We were watching live as the second plane hit. Then the pentagon. You know how it went.

All of my kids grew up in a post 9/11 world, and we all currently live in a post 9/11 world. Bad people cashed in on our collective national fear and horror. They cashed in on our experience of having our bubble of privilege burst by retribution from outsiders for generations of America’s commodification of countries primarily inhabited by folks of a darker skin tone, with foreign sounding names, customs, and religions. Bad people were quick to reframe the attack as an expression of foreign hostility towards our ‘freedoms’. They also capitalized on our new outlook of resolve and unity.

To understate the significance of today completely, 9/11 changed everything for everyone, for all time, all over the world. There is only a before and after.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Valet Parking

If you delete your Facebook account because of ‘all of the negative political posts/comments’ or some variation of that, I can make one guess about who you are with 100% accuracy: you are white. I can make a second guess at about 75% probability of being correct: you are either lower middle class or higher.

Catching feelings about political statements is a function of privilege. I don’t care if that hurts your feelings. Cry into your pumpkin spice latte. It’s only when you have to fight for even a view of the table (not even a seat) where decisions are made that you realize EVERYTHING is political.

My Apologies

The phrase 'my apologies', sounds weird to me. I know it means, 'I am offering you my apologies' (without actually saying sorry), but the phrase itself, and the austere tone people tend to take when employing it, creates a different picture in my mind. First of all, 'my apologies' is almost always sarcastic. Second of all, the statement itself evokes the image of a man standing in front of a big curtain in formal wear, announcing to the crowd, 'Ladies and Gentlemen! I present to apologies!' And then he pulls on a rope, the curtain drops, and there they are--all of his apologies--swimming around in, like, a big aquarium or something.

Or, I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

Monday, September 3, 2018

Realistic Expectations

As an overweight fellow myself, I instinctually know that when another overweight fellow says, ‘Give me 5 minutes, I’ve got to run to the bathroom’, it will be many more than 5 minutes, and there will be no running involved.