Mission Statement

the project of becoming a human being isnt complete until we die.

If I Were a Woman

If I were a woman, I think I would take great consolation from the fact that throughout history men have constructed whole religions and systems of power to control my kind. I think it would make me feel powerful, because no god has ever been invented to frighten weak beings into compliance.

the truth doesn't require your belief.

Where It All Started

I can pinpoint the exact moment the idea of me being a father occurred to me for the first time. It happened when I was watching a preview copy of Grosse Pointe Blank after midnight when I was an usher at Showcase Cinemas Eastgate (R.I.P.) in 1997. Aside from being a classic all around, my kids can probably thank John Cusack and this particular scene on some level for their very existence.

Pure Terror

I meant to hit the Google icon on my phone’s Home page, but accidentally hit the Bing icon instead. I audibly gasped and my co-workers turned and looked at me with concern. I have never hit the back arrow on my screen so fast in my life.

A List of Things That Are Currently Giving Me Life

1. The band Swans 2. Bill Evans playing piano 3. My Criterion Collection Streaming subscription 4. Avocados with Secret Aardvark hot sauce and cashews 5. The book Morning Star, by Karl Knausgaard 6. Lots and lots of Diet Coke

Potato Soup

My son just told me the potato soup I made for dinner last night was possibly the best he’s ever had. I have been making this simple meal for 20 years now, and literally wing it every time. It was really good, but it would be impossible to recreate. I probably should have written the recipe down at some point, but in a world where you can get whatever you want whenever you want if you have the resources to get it, I am actually happy to know that I have shared something with people I love that they enjoyed, and can never be replicated. Which makes that shared experience sanctified in some way. There is no added value better than that. Also, the idea that I perfected something by accident through mere repitition and with absolutely no intent is rewarding too.

Gratitude

Every now and then my kids tell me how they’re going to spend their money when they get wealthy, and they talk about fixing up the house and taking me to places I’ve wanted to go for vacation. Of course I tell them to save their money, but it honestly makes me think of the way I’ve heard rappers talk about taking care of their moms when they get paid, and I think about how this dynamic is different, and I am also grateful to have kids who are capable of gratitude. There is so much beauty and real shit they’ll encounter in their lives, they will need that gratitude.

Swans

Until about a month ago, I had never listened to Swans. I quickly became obsessed with them and started listening to all of their albums. This weekend I finally got to The Glowing Man, and it may be the most transcendent collection of songs I have ever heard. I felt euphoric listening to it as I drove into work this morning. I am so grateful to learn that music can still move me like this, even as I move further into my 40’s. I am also grateful to learn that there is still life-changing art out there to find. I haven’t seen it all. What a gift life is!

The Sugar

I found out I had diabetes about a month ago when my employer held a free screening event. It probably saved my life, because I would most likely have tried to cowboy my way through the various symptoms I was experiencing until I had a stroke or something. I just took my first dose of medication this morning, and about 30 minutes later I realized I felt significantly better. I almost cried. It’s crazy how we can learn to accept always feeling like shit if the decline is gradual enough. I am happy to be alive, and am grateful for this lesson.