Hippothetical

My son and I created a new word today that is sure to become a fixture in everyday human vernacular:

Hippothetical: planning for, or conjecture about the possible involvement of hippos in any given scenario.

“Hippothetically speaking, we should probably bring a few heads of lettuce on this trip to Dollar General, just in case we run into some angry hippos”.

Pack Mentality

At a stoplight listening to Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran and the guy in the car next to me yells, ‘I just turned off my music because I’m hungry like the wolf!’

I think we’re best friends now.

Respect Our Veterans

Our country is very vocal about honoring those who served, which is fine, but what I am concerned about is how little we honor those who got served. It’s not easy to show up on that dance floor, and to lose gracefully is a forgotten virtue. If you are someone who ever got served, I just want to say thank you for your service.

Michael Brooks

 I have listened to Michael Brooks on a daily basis since about 2016, and he has been a formative influence on my politics and worldview, which is weird for me, because he was 2 years younger than me, and I have an unfortunate habit of being primitively combative with men in my own age range, whether I know them or not. He died suddenly yesterday from a blood clot in his throat, and I found out about it late last night. I’m trying to figure out why this has fucked me up so badly today. I don’t romanticize famous people, and am normally good at accepting bad news stoically. I’m legitimately upset by his passing though, and if anyone isn’t aware of who he is, the first hour of the majority report today is a pretty good encapsulation. Whether or not you know about this man in particular, I guess the point of this post is that life is delicate and brief. Love people. Tell them you love them, tell them what you like about them, be honest, try to make the world better, and live the shit out of your life.

Philosophical Dilemma

This is the drama that has already been my morning:

I wake up from interesting dreams feeling very comfy in my bed. I look at the clock and realize I have 15 minutes to savor this moment before the alarm goes off. But I realize I have to pee.

I’ve been here before, and realize these are my options:

1. Lay in bed until the alarm goes off trying to ignore the discomfort of having to pee, and focus on savoring the magical pre-alarm clock/comfy bed situation. However, isn’t this a lie? I have to pee.

2. Run to the bathroom as quickly as possible, do my business, come back, and attempt to recreate this cozy atmosphere. But is this really possible? Part of the magic of the moment is the half-awake mental state. Dream images linger hazily, and it feels as if I could easily step in and out of both kingdoms. Once I’m out of bed and light hits my eyes, and I am doing things in and of this world, the doorway to the other world will definitely disappear. And how likely am I to realistically rediscover that comfy spot before the alarm goes off?

3. Accept that some nice things are brief. It’s over. Get up and start the day. I was lucky to have a nice moment. To torture myself trying to prolong it is absurd. ‘We will always have Paris.’

Which one would you choose, and what does this say about your character?

I Vote!

What is the goal of this bumper sticker, exactly? A lot of people who are different things vote. ‘I’m a mime and I vote’. ‘I’m 5’7 and I vote’. ‘I wake up in the middle of the night because I’m sure I just ate a spider and I’m terrified, and I Vote’. What’s the deal?

Nicknames

Today while I was waiting in a line, the guy in front of me greeted some young man who appeared to work at the location with a gleeful ‘What’s up Stitch Fix!’, to which the young man gave an enthusiastic ‘Good morning!’, seeming to feel empowered by his welcome. The guy in front of me turned around and told me, ‘We call him Stitch Fix because his mom dresses him’.

Trust Falls

My youngest son and I have a pretty good relationship, but when I ask him if I can have a chip and he magnanimously holds out the bag, I always notice him low-key checking that I only took one when I pull my hand back out.

Reflecting

Man. Looking at some Facebook memories right now and seeing a weaker, more naive me not ready for the earth-shattering life changes that came my way about 5 years ago. The memories are almost like years of strata leading up to a cataclysmic event. A small part of me wishes I could time travel back to comfort myself in those dark times and let that version of me know how much stronger and focused and alive I would become after weathering that storm, but then I realize part of what made me strong was going through that experience alone, and another part realizes that the person I see in these memories actually died during the process so that the person I have become could live, so who would I really be comforting? I am sad for the struggles that man went through as he died, but am grateful for the life and power I feel inside of myself now. The best remembrance I can offer the old, dead me is to continue to grow and love and learn, and to drink my fill from the cup of this life, and to share with others how to do the same.

Keeping It Professional

When you re: a passive-aggressive work e-mail that both rises to the challenge presented and manages to contain a plausibly deniable ‘fuck you’ to the person who sent it.