The circle of life

The fact that my kids are only aware of Tom Waits’s version of Downtown Train, and don’t know Rod Stewart covered it (and honestly may not even know who Rod Stewart is) is, to me, the cultural equivalent of watching the earth reclaim an abandoned strip mall.

Spiritual Cleaning

I’m on vacation this week, and have so far dedicated myself to deep cleaning my house. I haven’t relaxed, but my body aches in a righteous way, and I feel that if I were asked to preside over a death penalty trial right now, my verdict would deliver the purest form of justice, because my house is so goddamn clean. ‘As Above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul’ - Hermes Trismegistus

Song: So Nice

Don’t Make Me Talk To Your Kids

My neighbors have complained to me about the number of cats I have. But they have like a thousand kids who are always riding their stupid little tricycles when I get home from work and just want to sit in my car for a minute and smoke a cigarette and watch a few YouTube videos with my windows down. And these little goblins always try to talk to me. Whatever complaints they have about my cats, at least the cats know their place and don’t try to fucking talk to you. My cats are respectful. They just do cat stuff. To my neighbors, maybe try using a condom? I shouldn’t have to talk to the result of you lacking personal discipline.

If I Had A Time Machine

My standard for good cornbread was set in 2nd grade when we had a substitute teacher during the week of Thanksgiving. The substitute—who I can’t even remember her name, but I remember the cornbread, brought in her family recipe cornbread for our school’s Thanksgiving feast, and I was so blown away by it that I asked for seconds. She was clearly happy about cutting me out another slice, and recommended I dip it in the generic hot sauce she brought along. This is also the first time I think I tried hot sauce. I have been trying to recreate this recipe every time I make cornbread for years, and have failed miserably. It tasted better than any cornbread I had ever had, and the only discernible difference I can isolate in retrospect is that it was very sweet, and had whole cooked pieces of corn in it. If I had a time machine, I’d go back and get the recipe. And then maybe kill baby Hitler.

Apocalypse Always

I haven’t seen the movie Apocalypse Now, but I’m going to go ahead and make my directorial debut on the next two installments of the trilogy: ‘Apocalypse Later’, and ‘Apocalypse? Oh, We Did That 3 Days Ago’.

My Approach To Music

Soul is not a destination you can arrive at by plugging a formula into a calculator.