Song: Humphrey Bogart

Song: Let’s Do Some Punk Rock

Song: Boats

Song: Climate Change

Sing Your Life

I think the biggest impact I have had on my children is that all of them seem to have internalized my compulsion to break into impromptu musical numbers narrating/riffing on whatever may be going on at whatever moment. I’m proud of this.

Travel Restrictions

Ted Cruz = No Fly List Me = Fly AF List

Fortune Cookies

Life hack: While eating at a Chinese Restaurant with friends/family, read your fortune cookie (which is no doubt not a fortune and more of a generic Hallmark card piece of motivational advice) in your best Jordan Peterson/Kermit The Frog voice. If you’re eating with adequately woke people, you will make up in laughs what the cookie didn’t deliver in wisdom.

Incoming Call

I was just laying on my left side in bed, holding my phone in front of my face and scrolling through my newsfeed. I thought, ‘I should get some sleep. I have to be at work in a few hours’. Then my phone rang, and I saw that the call was coming from Gene Wilder. I was like, ‘Gene Wilder has never called me before. I think I might actually be asleep.’ and then I woke up. I was laying on my left side, but my phone was plugged in across the room. I’ve never had a dream that was so boring it became interesting before.

Parenting Tip For The 1%

I’m pretty sure the main takeaway from the Trump presidency is for rich parents, and I’m pretty sure it’s this: Don’t leave it to ‘the help’ to raise your children. Especially if you are always going to side with your horrible, sociopathic spawn if ‘the help’ ever tries to do anything outside of making every day seem like Christmas for them. Or, to get right to the point, don’t have children. The world will be a better place if you refrain from reproducing, and—I don’t know—get really into model trains or something.

Tweet (Parody of the song Hurt)

Bold AND Beautiful.

I wasn’t a super popular kid in elementary school, and ended up spending large portions of summer vacation watching Soap Operas with my Mom. The Bold and The Beautiful was my favorite, so I thought I’d make a little collage of my favorite characters. I was always struck by their monosyllabic, strong, naturalistic first names.