Monday, September 24, 2007

An excerpt from my interview with President Ahmadinejad

S: Is it true that you hate the Jews?

A:"No! I love the Jews! This has been one of the greatest misunderstandings between our two countries. Who doesn't watch The Daily Show?

S: What about your 'we will drive the jews into the sea comment?'

A: Oh, come on! I was having a bad day.It's just a figure of speech. You know, you spill some hot coffee on your members-only jacket and, "I'll drive the jews into the sea!" It's just something that pops out. Nothing behind it at all. I love the jews! I tear the crust of their sandwiches.

S: by 'tear the crust off their sandwiches', do you mean 'drive them into the sea?'

A: Now you're playing word games with me.

S: In your speech to Columbia University you said, "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country...I don't know who's told you that we have this. "

A: And?

S: Are you Sascha Baron Cohen?

A: (rips of fake beard and wig) Gotcha! Again I expose the West's innate bigotry and ignorance by portraying the shallow, backwards caricature you have in your collective mind of the leader of a middle-eastern country right back at you, and have you buy it! You wouldn't believe how much prejudice you displayed in that interview.

S: Brilliant. You've done it again.

Sascha Baron Cohen: I am the carnival barker calling all to see the horrors I have behind a giant curtain. When a crowd gathers, I pull a cord, the curtain drops, and there stands a giant mirror.

S: Truly that is who you are. We're such pigs.

SBC: What can I say?

S: A true original. Sascha Baron Cohen, thanks for sitting down with me.

SBC: Booyashaka!


trevor said...

I like the idea of a carnival crowd seeing themselves in a mirror behind a curtain that promises horror. I may borrow that image as a metaphor in a future story.

Mokie said...

You're certainly welcome to the image;I lifted it from Marilyn Manson.