You Make Me Nervous, Ohio

If I had to describe the collective mood of Ohio Republicans, I would say it is quietly confident. If I had to describe the mood of Ohio Democrats, I would say we are a little nervous.

The polls are close. There's a lot of talk about Romney leading among independents, but I'm not sure that's such a big problem for President Obama. Tea Partiers have taken to calling themselves independents lately, and I am convinced that this is why we are seeing so many 'independents' favoring Romney. They are repackaged republicans.

But it is still close. My chihuahua, Schopenhauer--or Schopey as we call him--is unmoved by the whole thing. To be as philosophical about human politics as a dog would be a great gift. My kids are invested, though. We're planning on making a day of voting; head to the polls as soon as they open, go out for breakfast, and then maybe take a trip to the zoo. We talked about heading up to Chicago if weather permits, so we could be there for either the triumphal celebration or the mass suicide.

This morning on his talk radio show, Glenn Beck gently chided and forewarned Ohio that this was all up to us, and that we could end up as hated by the right as Florida has been in previous elections if we gave Ohio to Brown & Obama. I'm pretty sure Glenn thinks his team has this one in the bag--via divine providence, and a great white suburban housewife awakening, I believe--but there's that twinge of doubt in the back of his mind.

 I would like nothing more than to incur the condemnation of Glenn and Sean and Rush and all of the tea party faithful who tell us we're throwing our country in the garbage disposal if we re-elect Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama. It would be joyous to turn on the radio the day after the election and hear the brute choir tell us all to go to hell.  Ohio is a difficult nut to crack. Either we are some of the most reasonable people in the country, or we are some of the most shallow and fickle. My hope is that our vote for President Obama and Sherrod Brown 4 years ago was actually a collective act of principle, and that we've been paying enough attention since that vote to realize that not only has the President done a substantive, good-faith job, but also that Mitt Romney is the most hollowed out and cynical presidential candidate since Nixon. The Republican party and talk radio has worked very hard to scare us. They've painted the road to a truly just, truly egalitarian society, with a robust and functioning safety net as the road to hell.

Let's do it: let's walk down the dark and twisted path of easier access to education, health care, expanded civil liberties, and responsible and competent exercising of global power that the right describes. I know all of these things sound scary, but really, your eyes adjust to the darkness once you've entered the cold and soulless cave of liberalism.  It is terrifying to imagine consenting adults in loving relationships being allowed to marry one another. The idea of women making the same amount of money as their male counterparts is totally Lovecraftian. The image of an American President not blustering around on the world stage like Donald Trump in...well, any environment you might find Donald Trump in...may have the same impact on the average voter as that video from the movie 'The Ring' had on the people who watched it.

Seriously though, I can't think of a worse transition. Handing the country over to Mitt Romney seems akin to someone returning to an abusive relationship. Handing Ohio over to Josh Mandel seems akin to letting your infant child change its own diaper.

Do the right thing on Tuesday, Ohio. Re-elect President Obama and Senator Brown.