Top Secret Wall Design Revealed!

Did you guys know trump’s original immigration plan involved TWO walls? A source inside the White House just leaked the original blueprint to me. Insidious.

❤️

My 13 year old drew this picture of us hugging (because he didn’t get to give me a hug after school yesterday because I had to work late) and just texted it to me. My heart immediately melted.

Good, Good Membries!

For awhile now I’ve noticed that whenever my youngest son is really happy or having a good time, he gets this chill of joy that seems to lightly shake his body. When I mentioned it to him he told me that whenever that happens, he also says to himself ‘Good, good membries!’ It was so sweet to hear that, so I scheduled a reminder in my phone for every Monday morning that says ‘Good, good membries!’

Buy the Book

The Parachutist in Love, by Spencer Troxell

I Write Parodies in my Sleep

What does it say about me that my first thought this morning was ‘Weird Al should do a parody of Cardi B’s ‘Money’, call it ‘Honey’, and make it about Winnie the Pooh’?

All a bad bear needs is honey.

Demographic Anecdote

Fact: everyone I have ever met who was worried about ‘Social Justice Warriors’, ‘Leftist brainwashing’, ‘P.C. culture/censorship’ on college campuses never went to college.

Efficiency

All three of my sons are cleaning the house, and I just said ‘thank you!’ to one of them for their hard work, but two of them responded ‘You’re welcome!’. Two birds with one stone. Maximum gratitude-efficiency achieved. It’s like when you say hi to one person, and the person behind them also returns the greeting.

The Ideal Couple

Correct.

"Everything that's important goes on in the darkness, no doubt about it. We never know anyone's real inside story." - Louis Ferdinand Cèline

King

People will be trying to sanitize Martin Luther King on Monday by posting all of his Sesame Street quotes about light driving out darkness and choosing love over hate and stuff like that. Those are fine quotes, but Dr. King was a dangerous man underneath the sound bites. To truly embrace his vision we have to become dangerous too. Had MLK lived until today he would still be fighting for justice, and people would be as uncomfortable with it now as they were then. Don't let people make Dr. King safe. He was a lion.

550 WKRC

Conservative talk radio is for people who just couldn’t get enough of what their racist uncle had to say at Thanksgiving.

Pee As You Are

I want to open a restaurant just to have two bathroom door signs—with no gender indicators—that simply say ‘please do not shit in the sink’.

Cutlery

I was just using this knife to chop garlic and onions and Serrano peppers for chili when I remembered the significance of it. Around a decade ago I confiscated this knife from an individual who was high on crack and threatening another individual with it, who was also high on something, and had a pocket knife. I was able to de-escalate the conflict with the support of a few team members, even though the knife pictured was pointed at me at one point. I kept the knife based on a barely conscious principle I had at the time about weapons which went something like, ‘if I can take it from you, it’s mine’. This was a bit of silly bravado, but as I was chopping the garlic and onions and peppers, I remembered the story of how I got the knife, and realized I hadn’t thought about how I had obtained it in years. I guess the point of this post is that social work is a crazy field: if you can integrate a knife with this backstory into your daily cooking and completely forget how you got it, you work in an exciting business.