Anderson, OH

I’m glad that cars pull over for emergency vehicles when they have their sirens on, but it’s kind of annoying how quickly they pull over in upper middle class neighborhoods like Anderson. In lower middle class and poor neighborhoods, people pull over responsibly, and in rich neighborhoods they pull over too at a reasonable pace, but in Anderson—the model for the movie American Beauty—everybody pulls over so fast, almost like they’re excited to mark down on some kind of card their good deed for the day. I could have probably made this post more concise by just saying ‘Fuck Anderson’, but I’m a writer.

Self Care

I am failing at self-care this weekend on a world historic level. Someone should build a statue to commemorate this achievement, and a bird should immediately shit on it.

Substance Must Meet or Transcend Style

Red Hot Chili Peppers had a couple okay songs, but their music never lived up to the promise of their presentation. If you’re going to do something awesome like wear socks on your dick on stage, your music should at least be that good. Thinking about it, the only band I can think of who’s music could live up to that kind of cool packaging is Sigur Ros. Everybody else should probably wear pants.

Expectations

It’s crazy that it’s taken me this long to realize it, but it just occurred to me that expecting a return investment on my love, patience, attention, availability, loyalty, and respect doesn’t denote some kind of personal selfishness. Continuing to offer those things without some form of appropriate reciprocation, however, is a sign of limited self-respect. It’s good to expect what you invest in people to be invested back into you. And it’s healthy and ok to walk away if that investment isn’t returned. It doesn’t mean you’re bad, and it doesn’t mean they’re bad. It just means you and that person have different values, interests, attractions, and priorities. It’s not a failure on either person’s part. The failure is in the expectation that you can move someone else to feel and act how you do, and to resent yourself or them when those expectations aren’t realized. Just be good. Be kind. Put things out there, and if they don’t come back in a way that works for you, move along. Simple. 

If this Isn’t Nice...

It feels so good and is so beautiful outside. I have a strong compulsion to take off all of my clothes and lay in the grass. An extra bonus to this scenario is the actual human contact I will have when the neighbors call the police on me.

Andrew and Marianne

This is the best. Partially because, of course, Andrew, go to your room! But also because it’s a perfect encapsulation of both of their energies. I ❤️ Marianne.

When You Can’t Leave the House

This quarantine situation may have finally broken me. I just spent the last half hour browsing Zoom backgrounds for my daily work conference call tomorrow. This is neither normal nor OK.

Scripture

We turn people just like us
Who shit and piss and cum
 Into saints, to make our own perfection
Unattainable.
‘Oh,’ we say,
‘We aren’t saints. We could never
Change anything!’
This is the grand copout.

Don’t get me wrong:
The holiest thing a human can do
Is to piss and shit and cum,
but to accept this,
to embrace that we are all wallowing
in the same piss and shit and cum
is to take away the excuse
to not act.

To realize our glory—
and potential as a species—
is found not on a prayer to the heavens,
but in the gutter along with our lowest brother,
is to demand the greatest love of self,
and the greatest love of fellow,
and to realize that there is no Other,
there is only us.

And when we learn to love
The sacred fragrance of our collective stink,
only then can we ascend
only then can we change anything.

Being A Father

Today the Vice President of the agency I work for inquired about the well-being of ‘the boys’. She knows very little about me on a personal level, but I have to say it was gratifying to know that one of the main characteristics she has in her mind of me is that I am a committed father. As is the case with so many people who know me on any level. If anyone knows anything about me, they know how central my role as a dad is. I used to have so many grandiose goals for myself. So many different ways I wanted to be viewed by others. At this point in my life, to have it be unquestionable to all viewers that I am first and foremost dedicated to raising my sons, is definitely something I’m comfortable with, and proud of.

Cost-Benefit

The most dangerous and most necessary thing a human being can do in this life is to allow themselves to fall in love. The casualties will be high. Most of us won’t make it back. Kiss your momma goodbye boys, we are going to storm that beach!

Shelter In Place

I just discovered a new coping strategy for working from home: walk down every hallway, through every room, and down every staircase in your house yelling 'AAAAAAHHHHH!' at the top of your lungs. It's cathartic!