We Are Commodified

Capitalism has a parasitic relationship with our identity, both personal and as members of however many groups we belong to. The goal of capitalism is to commodify each individual and group, extract as much labor and capital from each individual member of the non-ruling class as possible, and use the divisions created between each non-ruling class (proletariat) individual and group by the system itself to create division whenever the ruling class is threatened by popular challenge or uprising. To capitalism, we are not people or communities. We are brands with stock market values that can be weaponized against one another whenever the rulers feel threatened.

Give Me a Pulitzer

Living my best life, sitting in my car in a Wal-Mart parking lot after 9pm, listening to a teenage couple yell at each other at the top of their lungs, accusing each other of god-knows-what, slamming their car doors over and over again (how many doors can they have?), and demanding their lighter back. The girl just screamed, ‘What did I do Bradley? What did I do?!’. This is journalism.

Literary Names

I just read that in 2013 alone, 67 little girls were named Daenerys by their parents, and 241 little girls were named Khaleesi. That’s pretty rough. Folks, please wait until the story is over to decide to bestow the name of a character on your child. The only worse literary name I can think of giving your kid would be to name them Lolita, because you heard the title and thought it sounded pretty, but you never read the book.

Edgy Comedians

It’s so weird to me that so many rich, white, heterosexual male comedians still try to interpret the public reaction/disinterest in their stale homophobic/racist/sexist/generally bigoted jokes as a sign that they’re edgy and somehow speaking truth to power. The lack of insight is astounding. No dude, I’m not saying you suck because you exposed some weakness in my ideology or existence, I’m saying you suck because you are boring and not funny.

#billmaher #billburr #joerogan #nickdepaolo #rickygervais #dennismiller

Marketing Advice

Pro tip for the folks who pay protesters to stand outside of the Planned Parenthood downtown lethargically holding signs: institute a requirement for sign swirling and quirky dancing. That is a popular marketing move, and one of your employees might even get on Ellen!

Game of Thrones Predictions

Considering the medieval setting of Game of Thrones, shouldn’t somebody have gotten really bad diarrhea at least once by now? Everyone is wondering who will die next, but outside of Tywin Lannister, I haven’t seen one character on the toilet, or even complain of a stomach ache. I’d like to see one character interrupt the action at least once because they need to make an emergency bathroom visit. Tormund would be a good choice. Nobody eats right on that show, but you know Tormund doesn’t. I would like the last episode to begin as a huge battle set up from Tormund’s POV, but just as the action starts, his stomach gurgles, he makes a sour face, beads of sweat begin forming on his forehead, and the camera follows him as he runs off into the woods. The scene stays with him as he finds an old run-down outhouse, and it’s just him violently shitting for an entire hour with battle noises raging outside. At the very end he steps out exhausted but relieved, the battle sounds have ended, and a wounded soldier stumbles into his line of sight, says ‘Sansa Stark sits on the Iron Throne’, and then dies. ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ starts playing. Fade to back.

Bad Parenting

Our current president is a terrible father. All public evidence points to this. For me, this is a bottom line, make-or-break deal, especially when evaluating a person’s eligibility for leadership. If your record re: your relations with your own progeny amounts to creating and reinforcing trauma, how can I support you as a leader?

Diet & Exercise

Has anyone else thought about how bad Donald Trump’s genitals must smell whenever they hear or read about his gross diet? Also, you know this guy hasn’t had a solid bowel movement in a decade. This understanding goes a long way to explain the constant scowl on his wife’s face.

Capitalism Hurt Your Heroes

Listening to a soul-dead wife of a republican politician selling a book on the radio talking about how her single mother, who worked three jobs and died way too young, inspired her to commit to accepting a life of drudgery and toil and a life overall full of calluses and unaddressed trauma, makes me think about how many times I’ve encountered this meme. Yes, it is heroic that your mother/father/whatever fully committed themselves to taking care of their family, but it doesn’t address the utter depravity of our capitalist culture that required them to make this sacrifice in the first place  . And, actually, how good of a parent can you be—what kind of holistic parenting can you provide—if you are forced to grind your body into paste just to keep you and your families alive? There is a stark difference between surviving and being alive, and this mythologizing of the hard-working parent only serves to continue and empower the system that kept your parent from fulfilling their full calling. Yes, maybe they paid the rent and fed your mouth. But they modeled a kind of sheep-like obedience to their societal overlords that greatly infringed upon their ability to feed your soul. So yes, love your parent who did all they could for you, but don’t transfer your love for them to a lionization of the system that prevented your souls from fully connecting, and definitely do not take this parental sacrifice as a blueprint for how a whole human being should live.

Halloween Costume

My son and I just came up with an awesome family costume theme: we all dress like plague doctors and walk slowly from house to house. We don’t even have bags for candy; when we walk up to each door we don’t say anything, just slowly raise an arm and point at the person passing out candy for an uncomfortable amount of time, then slowly lower our arms and walk to the next house.

ADL’s

Social Work Magic: when you see a client’s mind blown as you shop with them, and explain how spaghetti can be so much more than a jar of Ragu plopped onto a pile of boiled pasta, for around the same price. Life isn’t just about staying alive. Flavor is a definite factor!

Wisdom From Unexpected Places

“Cut out all of my dialogue, all of my lines, and have other characters talk about you. Which, by the way, is not bad advice on living in general” - Sylvester Stallone, explaining to Howard Stern how he made the script for Rambo work. Truth.

Boys Will Be Boys

PSA to anyone raising sons: Make sure your kids understand that ‘boys will be boys’ logic was literally used to defend Brett Kavanaugh’s attempted rape when he was in college, as well as Brock Turner’s rape while he was also in college. Maybe boys will be boys, but that is never an excuse not to be a decent human being.

Easy= Hard When It’s Time to Pay the Bill

The path of least resistance is always the most costly and regrettable in the long run.

Re: Adversity

It is so gratifying to be kind to folks who hate you. Your initial response to aggression is to be aggressive back, but to respond with kindness and understanding offers a much longer term reward. Not as instantly gratifying as a violent response would offer, but so much stronger, and so much deeper. Turn the other cheek.

In addendum, a quote from James Baldwin that I believe is complementary to this notion:

"You cannot lynch me and keep me in ghettos without becoming something monstrous yourselves. And furthermore, you give me a terrifying advantage: you never had to look at me; I had to look at you. I know more about you than you know about me. Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." 

The Real Metric of Success

One thing I have learned in this life: degrees, accolades, and awards pale in comparison to what you believe in, how much you believe in it, and how you articulate that intensity of belief.

Scene from a Play #1

17 year old runaway runs into his football coach at the airport just as he is about to get onto a plane to a new city to start over:

Kid: Coach? How did you find me?

Coach: I read this (holds up kid’s journal). It fell out of your backpack during our last practice. I was going to give it back without reading it, but then I heard you had run away. I read it thinking maybe I’d find a clue.

Kid: it’s been so hard. Growing up it’s just been me and mom, and she’s got enough burdens...

Coach: you’re not a burden. Let me tell you, the stuff in this journal (holds it up again reverently), it’s inspiring. You capture everything so uniquely. You’re an artist. And that last entry where you decided to run away, when that thing happened at the party...you know you could have called me. I would have come for you.

Kid: nobody ever comes for me.

Coach: (puts hand on kid’s shoulder, his eyes well up) I would of come for you. I came for you tonight, didn’t I? (The kid embraces the coach)

Kid: you did! You came for me.

Coach: You know where else I came?

Kid: where else?

Coach: in your mother. 17 years ago tonight.

Kid: wait...dad?

Coach: that’s right, son. I am your father. And I have a feeling things are about to change around this place!

The End

Stats

When I was 8, I would always practice my signature for when I became a famous baseball player. I also used to write out the stats on the back of my imaginary baseball card. There would always be a slump somewhere in there, and I would get traded to some other team (usually the Baltimore Orioles). But I would come back, and it would be glorious, and I would return to the Reds.

Shoo-gar!

My 8 year old son is a super good reader, and normally he would pronounce the word ‘sugar’ in the conventional way, but last night I bought him a little bag of Swad—candy coated fennel—from Jungle Jim’s, and he liked it so much he decided to add it to a drink he had concocted this morning. I asked him what was in the drink, and he mentioned it contained ‘Shoo-gar coated fennel’. I laughed and told him that was the fanciest way I’ve ever heard someone pronounce ‘sugar’. The bag says ‘Sugar coated fennel’, and my guess is that Swad seemed exotic to him, so he must have guessed all of the ingredients were pronounced in an exotic way.

Left vs. Liberal

Liberalism is a luxury ideology bought and paid for by the left. Remember Jack Nicholson's character from 'A Few Good Men': "You want me on that wall!"