Monday, June 13, 2011

Law School

I'm used to jumping into things, and then challenging myself to finish what I started.

It's partially why I proposed to Abby when I was eighteen, and partially why our marriage has been able to grow with us, and us with it (the other part to our success, if you're curious, is that Abby is similarly driven, and we are passionate about each other).

This cavalier attitude has gotten me in trouble, sure. But it also got me into college, was the impulse that said, 'why not?' to creating 3 beautiful children, got me into the human services, and led me to learn how to ride a unicycle.

I don't back down. It's not in my character. It's a point of pride for me to finish the things that I start. I am driven.

That being said, I am backing down from my latest proclaimed project; I will not be going to law school.

It doesn't hurt as bad as I expected it to. Although I started off in the normal way (announcing to everyone that I was going to law school), the post-manic research has led me to determine that it's not a good fit for me right now, and may not be something I can succeed at (regardless how much I enjoyed Boston Legal).

My family needs me right now, and I've been plowing through projects since I've been married. I've never 'just' been a dad, husband, and guy with a steady job. I've always had some kind of scheme up my sleeve. I've always been working on some arbitrary monument.

But I'm tired. The success demon isn't as attractive as he once was, either; I think I'm more comfortable than I'm ready to admit. But, like the guy at the shelter told me the other day, I'm not sure I know how to be comfortable.

Like all of my other projects, it will take practice.

So, I won't be applying to law school. I'm going to try to maintain what I've already got and stop trying to collect new tricks all the time. Even if it kills me.

Can it kill me?


the elegant ape said...

brother spencer...

If you are a good dad, the rest is gravy........

Willie Y said...

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”


Lodo Grdzak said...

You've got a good thing going Spence. F**k law school.

Spencer Troxell said...

Thanks for the support, guys.

That Epicurus quote is wonderful. Thanks, Willie.