Monday, June 20, 2011

My Negative Catechism

Inspired by a section from Sarah Bakewell's 'How To Live: A Life of Montaigne', I thought it would be fun to make a list of personal failings and things I'm no good at.

here we go:

I'm not very good at keeping up with regimens; exercise, house cleaning, reading, writing, keeping regular dates, performing regular activities, etc. I don't know anything about cars. I couldn't change brakes, spark plugs, or oil to save my life. I can change a tire, but I don't enjoy it.

I'm not good at baking things; all of my cooking acumen is reserved for the stove top. I'm bad at taking criticism, generally a sore loser, I have a hard time standing up to my appetites, and don't generally like other people's children. I don't like small talk and am not good at it. I'm not a fashionable dresser, and don't give much thought to the decorations in my environment. I don't like shaving, so I don't do it. I don't like to get haircuts, so my hair is often out of control. I bite my nails, and am a nervous eater. I pop my knuckles. I am impatient. I often vent my anger against people who don't deserve it, and am overly annoyed by bad eating habits. I am fat. I am moody. I get sick often. I don't like to take direction. I'm overly ambitious and jealous. I fart a lot. I am overly judgmental. I don't know any foreign languages. I'm bad at math. I'm no good at carpentry. I'm not athletic. I don't know the Latin names of any flowers or insects. I have terrible a terrible allergy to timothy hay that renders me basically useless for two months out of every year. I don't know the names of very many trees. I can't play any musical instruments or sing very well. I am not thrifty. I am addicted to caffeine. I don't sleep well. I can't fix electronic things. I don't like camping, partially because I feel compelled to shower every day. I don't like to play cards. I don't understand magic the gathering or pokemon, or any other card game like that. I'm no good at video games. I'm not a strong swimmer. I walk kind of funny. I often think I'm smarter than I am. I don't like to get up early. I don't like to account for anything I do, unless it's something that I want to brag about. I have bad teeth, am bored by classical music, and have no desire to go on a road trip.

I invite you to leave your own negative catechism in the comments below.


the elegant ape said...

Can't stop a one martini.

Can't pass up Blade Runner,Brazil or The Big Lebowski no matter that I have seen them a thousand times.

Chronic eye roller (can't help it it's a reflex.)


Suspect no matter what the company that I am the most clever person in the room...

Hard time admitting that I am wrong. ( when I do there is always external forces at work that were beyond my control)

Will eat the whole rack of ribs now matter how big...

Won't quit. Even though it's obvious the cause is lost. (this one drives my wife to distraction)

All and all just guilty of being the wonder that is me....(smug should probably be on the list)

Spencer Troxell said...

Eye rolling is a terrible habit!

Good list.

Willie Y said...

I can only be serious for 2 minutes.

I can't resist any cake products and any food group that is deemed bad for you.

I know a little bit about everything and have kept myself in discussions I had no business being in.

I easily tear up.

I can't stand my body.

Thinking about my own death frightens me.

I wish I could be closer to my grandchildren.

I love to play golf and I suck at it.

I wish I could find the time to read

I love living in Maine.

the elegant ape said...

Maine,,,they way life should be.
dig that......

Lodo Grdzak said...

Great post!